salamat, merci, cam on, danke, arigato, thank you

"It is sad when people you know, become people you knew...It is one of life's tragedies when you meet someone that you know is meant to be but due to unexpected circumstances and misunderstandings becomes someone you knew. Or when you can walk right past someone that at one time in your life was a big part of your life...and how you used to be able to talk to them for hours about the little nothings in life...and now you can barely look at them and they at you...and all you have left is that aching feeling in your soul..."

After reading this, I felt as if this person picked my brain and articulated how I felt in the most perfect words. It's weird! I don't even know this person! But it made me realize how universal this feeling is. It's sad, isn't it? How easily a person can walk right into your life then walk out. Before you know it, you're left to wonder, "What the heck was that all about?!"

Whenever this does happen, I have this ritual. I know, so weird haha but it helps! First, I eat a lot, go out a lot, talk - A LOT, and watch tons and tons of movies. I also read The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I don't know. That book just always reminds me that there are reasons for things. I guess that may be a lazy way of facing a sad situation; to just forget about what happened and just say, "eh, it was supposed to happen so let's just leave it." I guess you could say that. But to me, it helps. I like to think that that person came into your life to teach you something. Imagine how your life would've been if you hadn't met that person. Even if this person was someone you had known for only 5 minutes while waiting for a bus.

Last Sunday during my shift, a man came in and sat there studying for about 2 hours. He loved to talk. He talked to everyone that came in, asking them where they were from, where they were going, just anything and everything. He kind of reminded me of Mr. Bohnen. When he first came in, he asked me what my nationality was. Just from that answer he knew I had gone to St. Pat's. Sounds creepy, but he knew that 90% of Filipinos go there haha. He then started talking about religion. I could not believe how refreshing it was to me to finally talk about it. I hadn't realized how much I missed being able to talk about my faith. He talked to me about all the places he had travelled to, the languages he was learning, how he had wanted to become a priest. He talked, and talked, and talked, and I loved it. I loved how welcoming he was (I really hope this doesn't sound creepy haha) But gosh, we need more people like that. I felt as if I was talking to someone I had known my whole life. He showed me how much I love people and their stories. How just welcoming someone, learning about who they are, and what they have to say can really make a person feel good. There are so many amazing people out there with so many amazing stories.

I learned all this from a person whose name I don't know. See what I mean? Any person you meet, no matter how long the "relationship" lasted, has made an impact on who you are. I know this is true for me. So I just want to use this post to say thank you to everyone I have come to know, or have met. I credit who I am to many of you. Now I'm no longer frustrated or angry when a person walks out of my life. I know I'm a better person because of it. I am sad that that person couldn't stick around for a longer time, but I am thankful for the time they spent with me.

"choose love"

"'cause when our hearts are full we need much less."

not gonna lie

[Disclaimer: this post is very poorly written and despite all your efforts, you most likely won't understand what I am trying to say haha, but I tried really hard to make it as clear as possible.]

For the past couple of days I've been keeping busy. Working, then going out, staying up. Yenno, the works. It's been good. I love my friends, I love my job (aside from the not getting paid part! Efff, so broke!), and I love Vancouver and its current weather.

But then I start to think that I'm keeping busy just so I can avoid things. Is it avoid or forget? They're practically the same, right? Either way, I'm running away. I was never any good at running though. I remember one time in grade 5, I was super ambitious and thought that it'd be fun to join track. HA! Yeah. Boy, did I have a lot to learn! Anyways, after one particular track meet, I got this rash on my face, mostly around my eyes. It was intense, man! So that day, as my eyes were watering like heck, I declared myself allergic to running. Never again would I join track. This is why I hate running - it never goes well for me.

What was my point again? Right! I'm totally avoiding things.

But eff. Every time I man up and face things, I always screw it up all over again and I end up feeling like shit. I keep getting half of what I give. Is it because I have too much faith in people? I always believe that there's genuine good in people, in everyone. Not just people even, in situations too. I accept the bad, try to understand it, and see the good in it. I think this is why I'm way too nice. I never want to make a fuss or complain. I let things happen, I'm super patient. I let people walk all over me. I act this way because I believe that whatever bad thing is happening or being done, will stop eventually. If I just wait it out, things'll turn up. The good will come out, and my faith in people and situations will be justified. Am I setting myself up for disaster?

This is why I'm running. I'd rather get a rash than a burn. I don't know what to do. I try to handle things with understanding, patience, and good intentions. I hate it when things end bitterly or if they don't even end at all and it's just up in the air, you know? I do whatever it takes for things to work out, even though if it means forgetting myself in the process. I treat people with respect, not because I have to but because I want to. We all deserve that. Taking care of things this way has become part of who I am. It's worked well in the past, but gosh! Now it seems like it hurts less to be the ignorant person who's doing all the damage despite the people affected. Am I right?

Shit. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. This was just a vent post, one to clear my head. I just needed to be honest with myself and I have. Next: what to make of it.

ordinary can be pretty amazing

I wore shorts for the first time this year. It felt great.

Lin and I also took Roscoe for a walk around Trout Lake today. (It was such a gorgeous day, it HAD to be done.) He's such a stud muffin! No joke. It's his enormous muscles and charm. I'm so proud! He is currently knocked out on my bed, snoring, snoring, and snoring some more. He's probably dreaming of all those girl doggies he met today, hehe!

All that walking called for some good ol' Mcdo. Iced coffee and chicken nuggets? Yes, please!!! Met up with Mae there, since she's "graduated" and is now a "driver". PLEASE MAE, BE CAREFUL! Got home and watched Love, Actually. Gosh, that movie gives you an extreme case of the fuzzies! Mae left afterwards to kill herself on the road. Haha, just kidding!

Heart to heart #47298365023749283 took place. Lin, youss maah sugah hunnay baybee cakes!

I loved today. It was so lax, you know? It was one of those days, the kind that just happen and run so smoothly. Ahhhh, definitely up there with newly washed laundry fresh from the dryer and strawberries with whipped cream :) Why is this post so pointless?? Sorry! I guess I just needed to document a simple day like today. Because (as Kamila's coworker so wisely pointed out) I know I'll look back on today and feel nostalgic.

if love had a face

The International Arrivals gate at YVR is now my new favourite place. Not only could you feel the love, you could see it. It was as if I was watching the beginning of Love, Actually. Ahhh! I can't even describe the feeling I felt there today! All I know is that I'm all warm and fuzzy and would love to go there again :)

exactly like old times

Another Rainy Day - Corinne Bailey Rae


"Why am I so shy around you? Why am I so shy?
Why do I take care to astound you?
Why do I even try?"

itchy, itchy, itchy!!!

I am itching to get out of this place. I mean, I love Vancouver (hate Richmond). But I just need to see the world. I want to pack my bags and take a plane to New York and end up in New Zealand. I want to find a quaint coffee shop in old Paris. I want to ride a donkey through the steep stairways of Santorini. I want to eat Spam in Hawaii. I want to ride one of those huugee boat thingys down an alley of Vienna while a fat guy with a funny mustache plays the accordion. I want - no, I NEED to see what's out there.

I've always wanted to travel, but this time I'm crawling in my skin. I think it's because all the previous times I've thought about travelling, it's just been an idea. Something nice to think about. But now I feel it can actually happen if I really wanted it to. And I REALLY want it to happen. I mean hey, I am my own master, right?

I've been coming up with a lot of crazy ideas, huh? Uh oh..what if I'm bipolar?! Naaahhh. I think it's just 'cuase it's 10:22 pm on a "summer"night and I'm ready for bed....and have been since 9:00 pm. SHOOT. what the eff! Anyone up for late night bubbletea?



Side note: I love newly washed sheets that are fresh from the dryer. Ahhhh :)

double dog dare me (is that how it goes?)

World Spins Madly On (Live) - The Weepies

I need something.

I don't know what I need, but I know that whatever it is, it's something for me. I feel like I've been watching on the sidelines for as long as I can remember. I've been watching people live their lives, growing and discovering as they go along. But I feel stuck. I feel like I'm Lauren Conrad and that everyone else is Whitney (place her last name here). The whole world is moving and I'm standing still. I want to have fun. Be bold. Experiment. Discover. Just let loose, yenno? (But not Girls-Gone-Wild loose hahah)

But eff, I'm such a wuss! I hate trying new things. I like to stick with what I know. This is why I don't like trying new food.

This time is going to be different though. I need to get over those right prefrontal cortex signals (hehe go psych!). I need to start doing things for myself.

So I've decided to make my first step ballet. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Crazy, right? Well guess what, I don't care. I've cared for too long. I can't even believe I'm blogging about ballet haha! I've kept it a secret for so long; this desire to dance. It's out now, and I'm glad that it is :) hehe I sound silly, huh? Silly's good.

Here's to letting loose.

b - side

If I were to have an alter ego, I'd be a super rad, super stellar, bad ass chick. No joke! I wish I was that girl who could pull off a tattoo sleeve, dark wavy hair, cool shades, and bright red lipstick. I'd ride a bike (motorcyle bike, not a bike bike haha) and would work at a mellow record store like Neptoon. Piercings? Chhyeaaahh (hehe, Kamila!) My name: Sloan (I wouldn't have a last name...or a known last name...because I would be as cool as Madonna and people would just be like, "Yeah, that's Sloan.") Also, if we each had our own theme/entrance songs, Sloan's would be this:

Black Tongue - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Gives you shivers doesn't it?! Haha!

But I'm stuck with this chubby cheeked, short Asian with a high voice and nervous giggle persona. Totally opposite end of the cool scale.

Oh well. I kinda like it.

multum in parvo

The sound of a lawn mower on a sunny morning/late night talks with your girls/walking barefoot back home from a waterfight/pizza pops/roscoe's butt dance/rays of sunshine coming through the windows/a phone call/ice cream/days in bed with popcorn and movies/days for me/days for my friends/bubble tea/late night snack runs/speed dial/my banig/family bingo nights/lying with roscoe in the sun/watching the planes land/stars/music/yogurt/old and new pictures/unlimited texting/the sun on your back/flossing/the view from my window/the caf/a giggle/the visit to a friend's house after things end/the five people you meet in heaven/heart to hearts over food, under blankets, or in the car/warm showers on cold days/dancing in the washroom/quiet sundays/inboxes/visits at waves/walking across the jetty/naps/impulse room rearranging with friends/vinyls/palancas/sound of the rain on my window/a light snowfall/hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream/talks with kuya/blueberries/the little things.

another rainy day

There are times when I think about radio broadcasting as opposed to nursing. I always go back and forth between the two; listing their pros and cons and such. Radio broadcasting might win one day then nursing the next - I haven't kept score though haha

But I do notice it's the rainy days or nights alone in my car when radio wins. I guess it's 'cause it's the time I actually listen to the music I'm playing. I listen to the lyrics, the melodies, little pauses, climaxes, the undertones, and the flood of synchronicity in the song as a whole. It's amazing isn't it? The way music can just make you feel. It can make the worst and ugliest feelings sound so beautiful...but still heartbreaking. Or it can heighten the good mood you're in, and you blast it as loud as you can just so you can block out the sound of the real world. I mean, if you're feeling good it might as well last about 3 minutes and 14 seconds, right? It's like that counselor that knows exactly how you're feeling and all you're saying is, "YEAHH!! THAT'S IT!" (hahah peer counseling reference). I think it's pretty amazing how a single song can trigger a memory of a person, place, time, anything really. We've all experienced that super nostalgic feeling when listening to a 90's song (I suggest Simple Plan, Usher [Confessions is the only way to go], Spice Girls, etc.). Feels so good doesn't it? Especially with a car full of friends, sun beaming, and voices yelling out of tune along with the song. I love it!

These feelings are what make me think about going into radio (directing, mostly); the fact that I could share the music that means so much to me over airwaves - a piece of myself out in the big world..or city haha.

I remember the first time I heard the music I love play on BCIT's broadcast equipment. It sounds super duper corny, but it was like experiencing the song for the very first time. It was the long exhale I needed, you know? The one that calms your nerves and just settles everything down.

...and then I think about nursing.

ugh. I blame it on being a gemini. seriously.


for now, just listen to this.

Hysteric - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

nice girls finish second?

According to my Psych 1102 textbook, silver medalists are way more unhappy with their achievements than bronze medalists. I never thought about it, but yeah, it does make a lot of sense. You were that little inch, little point, little step, or little push away from the gold medal. You were so close to being the best, but now you're just second best.

What do you do then?

I guess you could accept it for what it's worth. You could always say that it wasn't your time. Take your weaknesses and make them stronger, right? Move on to the next race. And hopefully, people will eventually see you for what you're worth.

But how do you stop thinking of the one you wanted so badly; the one that got away?

noob to the max

You know that feeling before you write an essay for an exam that you haven't prepared for because you were busy staring at the wall the night before? It's that anxious feeling with a mix of frustration and laziness. That's how I feel right now. I have no idea how I'm going to start this blog, but I know that I have to. There are so many things floating around in my head, I just need to somehow, get them out. And I need to start writing more often. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote "This are so fun" on a friend's facebook note. Yeaah.

I'm secretly hoping no one finds this blog. Mostly because the stuff I will write won't be philosophical or life changing, entertaining or well written. It'll just be tiny brain farts that need to be aired out haha! TMI? psshhh whatevs, man.

Oh and! I'm sorry for the ugly layout. I really need to polish up on my Apt 107 html skillzzz. (I just remembered my account name: lil_mystical. HAHA it was fun being gangster for a while hehe)

*Edit: I suck at keeping secrets. This blog just came out of the closet!