listen

PostSecret: Confessions on Life, Death and God from Frank Warren on Vimeo.

I miss talking to people. Not just the simple "hey there!" but the dig deeper than the surface talks. I remember those talks as being the best, especially with strangers. It's amazing what people will tell you. It's kinda sad but amazing. I remember this one time I was working at Waves and an elderly man came in for some coffee. He had this tired look on his face, the kind you get when you're emotionally exhausted. Anyway, I handed him his coffee and he said to me, "Today is four years, you know?" I replied, "Four years?"He continued while looking down at his coffee, "Since my wife committed suicide."

Yeah. Heavy huh? I didn't know what else to do but apologize. He explained how he didn't really understand why she did it. They had everything - a great son, a $4 million home, great marriage. He even said that she had always told him that "he was the sweetest man she had ever known." (That broke my heart) It was silent for a while then he took a deep breath and said "Anyway, what can you do?" and walked off.

My coworker at the time turned to me and said "Why do people have to do that? It's so depressing!" I just kind of agreed (but not really) and kept cleaning the counters.

I know why people do that. They just want to connect to people. It makes them feel less alone. We all have our secrets that we secretly wish we could uncover without the worry of being judged. When that secret does come out into the open and there's understanding instead of judgment, we establish connection. A spark. Reflection.

And you can see it on the faces of the people in this video. It's actually really beautiful.

i love people.

autumn

On Monday I took Roscoe out for a walk. It was such a sunny day but it was FREEZING. So I took out my pea coat, boots and scarf and headed for the park.

I love autumn. I think it might right up there with summer. I like how autumn can be so cold but the colours are so warm. There's a tree on my front lawn that is in clear view of my window and whenever I look out I see the most intense red against the dark brown of the branches and it makes me feel warm and cozy. I love it!

Roscoe and I got to the park and I played ball with him in the tennis court. We ran around chasing the ball from one end to the other until he got really tired and just plopped down on the cement. I plopped down beside him and listened. The park was really quiet, not eerie quiet, more like that peaceful type of quiet you hear at a faraway lake. There were two kids jumping on a pile of leaves, yelling right before belly flopping into them, piling the leaves up again and then counting to three. There was a little girl and her dad playing soccer in the soccer field, she must've been 2 years old, at most! It was the cutest thing cause she would laugh so hard when she kicked the ball that she coughed every time she did. She had the curliest hair too!

I was happy in that one moment. All those little things combined let me put everything on pause for just a little bit. I know it's God's way of telling me that everything was going to be alright.

multum in parvo

how rude!

I really don't understand people sometimes. People complain about how the world can be so unfair and cruel. They don't realize that we make our world -- we make reality. The Thomas Theorem says, "Situations are real in their consequences if believed to be real." All of our actions have consequences; consequences that we web together to create the big picture that we call our world, reality, a social network of continuous interaction.

So if we have the ability create this reality, wouldn't it be logical to make it positive? I guess this is what every person sets out to do when they wake up in the morning with their day ahead of them. I've just realized though, that people often half ass the job. They make their reality positive. Their status, their experiences, their own world that exists in their heads is what some people aim to make better. I wish people could start to see that the way they choose to make these things better will affect the social web we call our world. We share the same space.

So the next time you think about stealing an innocent girl's phone, think about how much you have contributed to the mucky-ness of the world. Do you really want to be a part of that? Just think that when people ask, "Why are people so rude?" or "How can people be so mean?" that you will be the subject of those questions. You have contributed to the cruelty of the world. Does that make you proud?


I miss my blackberry =(

weekend 2

Yesterday, I baked Anna Olson's amazing creation "Brownie Sundae Explosion". It was AMAZING. Really, really rich. The icing is delicious on its own, and the fudge. Don't even get me started on the fudge. Super easy to make too!

Feel free to try it! Here's the recipe for her Strawberry Shortcake :)

I love baking.

weekend 1

On Friday, I baked a cake. Strawberry Shortcake. From scratch. Even the icing. I had so much fun!

Next up was supposed to be White Chocolate Brownies. Judging from my budget situation I might have to hold out on the baking :( :( :( And that B-E-A-UUTIFUL blazer from Aritzia. My heart is broken. I wish I could bake all the time.



SUPER SAD FACE.

INSPIRED

I have a crazy idea.

I am going to bake every weekend. Not just bake out of a box. I'm going to bake bake. From scratch. Not just ordinary things either. I wanna learn how to make fresh fruit tarts and mousse cake and blueberry filled cakes.

Crazy might have been an understatement.

Maybe it's because of the fact that I have weekends off now, or the fact that I'm an old lady in a 19 year old's body, or just because it's quarter to 5 in the am and I just can't think straight. Whatever it is, I'm inspired to do it. However, knowing myself, I will probably quit after trying it the first time. I just want to explore, like I've said numerous times before.

I know this may sound like a Julie and Julia blog, and maybe it is? I never really understood how cooking could help a person. I think I'm understanding it now. I guess it's the intimacy of it all. A hobby for yourself, something to challenge yourself with and actually see the final product and (hopefully) the joy it will bring to others too.

I don't know, we'll see how this goes.

First step: buy baking supplies. I think I'll do that tomorrow :)


Oh! and btw, any suggestions for things I could bake? Feel free to let me know!

on a lonely day, i look out on the freeway

I've been feeling a little lost lately. It's not something that bothers me, really. Well, it does, but not all day, everyday. It's just at times when I'm doing nothing, or should be doing something but I choose to sit around and do nothing.

Like right now. I'm just sitting outside watching Roscoe sniff the grass and while listening to California by Wave (thanks Belle for posting it! haha) I love this song. Every time I listen to it I see the highway and all of us on the highway on a hot summer day as the sun is going down. Probably cause we made it tradition to always listen to it on the highway. It makes me sad every time I hear it though.

I've noticed that summer was so amazing because of all the things I did. The newness of everything. New relationships, new explorations, new experiences, new memories. But it's also much bigger than that. These "new" things opened my eyes to the world. I went places I've never been before, seen things I've only seen in pictures (yeah sure, the farthest thing was Seattle but you have to understand how little I've been able to travel). The people I've met have helped me to see myself in a better light. This summer I did a lot of growing up.

Now summer is over, but I feel like I'm still growing. There's something holding me back though. It's like I'm Ewan McGregor in Big Fish. What is it? I'm a big fish in a small pond. I want to discover things again. I want to go into the unknown, be a little scared. I'm tired of being safe. I don't want to be stuck anymore. I want to DO something.

I know I've said this before, many times. I've blogged about it to. I wish I could say that I know what I'm going to do about it. Like I said, I'm feeling lost.

"i'm sorry i broke your heart - but i did."

backpacks and early mornings

Today, I registered for courses at Langara College. Yeah. Langara. I know. I was never open to the idea of Langara until I realized just how accessible everything is over there. I mean, I can't take a single bio course at BCIT because it's only offered to nursing students. The same with Kwantlen. So I figured since I was done all the courses I needed to take at BCIT, that I'd go back to the normal school scene.

And I'm so excited.

I haven't woken up early for class in a year. I'm excited to have that morning routine - breakfast, shower, and get myself ready while I watch my morning cartoons. I can't wait to interact with people my age that could potentially be new friends. Just thinking that I'll have days that are non stop from the very beginning gets me so giddy. And to think, I'll be taking bio again (hopefully), is refreshing. On top of all that, I love my schedule!

I sound like I'm a first year, huh? Haha. Well, I kinda think I am. BCIT wasn't a normal college/university experience. Now I get to have what I envied so much of my friends last year. So bring on the piles of homework, tests, and quizzes (I know I'll regret saying that).

I can't wait.

"you really broke my heart"

Waves' dumpster is located pretty far away from the actual store and people have a habit of placing their garbage bags beside our dumpster (we lock it for this very reason). These people probably think "Well, I'm getting rid of my shit, and they'll probably just throw this in the dumpster when they throw their garbage away." What they don't anticipate is the mess: birds will rip through the garbage bags, trying to find anything they could salvage, bums may rummage through it too on occasion. Anyway, the end result is a huge pile of mess.

Today at work I had to clean up someone's garbage, that very mess I was just talking about. I understood why I had to do it and it didn't really make me angry. It was just kind of ridiculous. People never realize what one little thing could mean for someone else. Something that's easier for you may be an incredible hassle for another person. I just wish people would keep that in mind more often.

So please, take care of your mess before someone else is forced to deal with it. Be considerate or you're bound to hurt another person.

VIVA LA VIDA

God. Tonight was THE BEST night of my entire life. I cannot even begin to explain how amazing, amazing, A-MAZ-ING it was.



Coldplay, I love you.

NINETEEN

Nineteen (Album Version) - Tegan And Sara

So yesterday, after Kamila, Mae and I had left Bonnie and Belle's and "on our way to Waves", Kamila asks, "Have any of you done 19 stuff yet - other than clubbing?"

I think about it....Mae thinks about it...

Nope.

First thing that comes out of my mouth, "LET'S GO TO A BAR!" I get super excited while Kamila gets second thoughts ("What are we going to order?") and Mae reminds us that we have no money. Boo. Scratch that.

But no fear!! I don't remember who, but someone brings up another great, ultra amazing idea: the casino.

Oh my dear heavens, that place is just a whole other world! As we walked through, I imagined all the numbers on top of everyone's heads, like in Ocean's!! So cool!! Kamila, Mae, and I played slots the whole night. At first I had won $9.50! It was so exciting, but kinda scary, when my machine started making all those "cha-ching!" noises. I thought I had won $100, 000! Ha. But hey, I was pretty stoked about the $9.50! That's an hour's work for sitting down and pulling a slot handle thingy!

Sucks that I lost that.. hahahaha I was down $1.75 and I was determined to get it back. So I chose a machine and won it all back plus $.05 :) It felt great. We left right after because I'd totally lose it again haha.

Anyway, I know I should've realized this earlier, but 19 is going to be a great age - full of exciting and new experiences.

3978234 dolars

In my ethics class, we study different moral norms. One of which is Utilitarianism. This moral norm stands by the statement, "The greatest good for the greatest number". We discussed in class how difficult it is to rate or scale gains and losses. The great philosophers of the 18th century agreed. In an attempt to make things easier, they came up with a unit to measure losses (hedons), and gains (dolars).

Losses, or hedons, would count as things like anger, sadness, illness, grief, etc.

Dolars would be things like joy, contentment, satisfaction, and so on.

My day today, for some weird reason, consisted of a lot of dolars. It started super early (work at 7am). I wasn't too happy about that at first, but things started to look up. My manager and I cleaned the whole store 'cause a scary inspector lady was going to come in, either today or tomorrow. It was refreshing! Also made my shift go by incredibly fast.

I got off at 11am, the whole day ahead of me. So I decided to make a little visit to Goh Ballet Studio. I talked to them about the adult program and watched the advanced class for a bit. Gosh, they were incredible graceful and breathtakingly beautiful. There was this one guy though...he was wearing awfully tight spandex and he had a really obvious and funny looking tan on his legs - I'm guessing from wearing normal length shorts outside of ballet. Anywho, it's exciting to think that in either July or September, I'll be in that same room, looking silly but having the time of my life.

I then went home and took the most refreshing nap EVER. I love naps. Especially in my room, mid-day, when the sun is shining through my windows. I woke up and my whole family was home, in one room too! This is a very rare occassion. It was kinda nice :) Oh! And my mom mentioned that she wants to go on a cruise next year!! So far, but we never travel! This is so exciting!

After eating, I lounged around, waiting to head back out to watch a movie. The sun was going down. My room faces the sunset so the lighting is always so warm in my room during that time. I love it!

Anyways, I don't even know what I'm blogging about anymore hahah. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm good. I'm alone but no longer lonely, you know what I mean? I'm starting to realize that I can function on my own. I'm also beginning to like myself more. I am content.

love fool

So today I found out that I'm a cryer when it comes to weddings. Boy! Those things just break me down! But I loved every single minute of it.

I was so excited to see all the big bouquets of flowers, extravagant center pieces, breathtaking dresses, amazing orchestra music. You know, the whole shebang! Then my mom had told me that it wasn't going to be a big, fancy wedding. She was right. Everything was minimal. Even the bride's dress was rented. The only things decorated at the church were a handful of pews. The church itself was tiny. There was no live band or fancy wind instruments. Music was just being played from a CD.

But the fact that it was so simple made it that much more beautiful. Goodness, I can't even explain! As soon as the procession started, I began to tear. Then I began to tear even more when the bride walked in. But instead of looking at her, I looked back at the groom. Like that movie! Wedding Planner? I don't remember. But gosh, the look on his face just made the water works want to burst out (but don't worry, I held it together haha) He had the biggest smile ever. And then I began to think about what they were thinking at that exact moment. Him: I'm ****ed. HAHA Just kidding. I mean, it looked as if they were the only ones in the room. Her walking to him and no one else. *Siiiggghhh* I could definitely feel the love and that was enough to make the wedding beautiful.

Love doesn't need any fancy decorations or expensive accessories. It's extravagant, breathtaking, and amazing on its own. (Corny? Pssshhh, whatevs man. My whole day was corny and it was great! I think everyone should use a bit more corn in their lives! Corn always reminds me of Fat Bastard hehehehehe)

Sorry, I'm a bit high on romance right now.

Anyways, I think more people should get married :) Invite me to your weddings, please! Or you can just bring me to the arrivals gate at the YVR hehe

hakuna matata

I want to pull a Simba. You know, get away for a bit and meet a pair of free spirited buddies. Live the "hakuna matata" life. Look at stars, sing songs, transform while walking across a log, eat bugs (haha just kidding), but you know what I'm getting at. *Siigghh* That'd be pretty nice.

Sucks that things like that can't happen. Or if they do, they don't last. Why do good things always have to end? I'm crossing my fingers and guessing it's 'cause something better is a-comin'!

"and the truth is that i miss you"

Warning Sign (acoustic) - Coldplay

As I listened to Chris Martin's sexy voice on the drive home, I realized that I miss a lot of things.

I miss the tennis court, playing tag, recess, coming home at 3:30 pm and being able to watch Oprah at 4. I miss waking up early enough to watch Clueless, then Sabrina the Teenage Witch, then Dawson's Creek. I miss camping and summers when everyone was free everyday. I miss lunch time with friends, break with friends, homework with friends. I miss sleepovers and phone calls from concerned parents at 9:00 pm. I miss shark attack. I miss family nights of bingo and being bored in my cousin's room. I miss my cousin. I kinda miss getting picked up and dropped off by my dad. Goodness, I could go on, and on.

After that realization, I came to another realization: all the things I miss are things of my childhood. We're growing up. Things are changing, man! But then again, things are constantly changing. People come and go, you'll get hurt, you'll get better, you'll get into an argument, make up, break up, apologize, get better, whatever. You always want to go back to that time, way back when "things were easy". But things were never easy. It just seems like it was when you look back on it because you got through it. I know when I'm 70, deaf, and have a house full of cats, I'll think about this moment and say, "Back when I was firm and nimble, things were so easy..."

And it'll be because I got through it. I'll be fine. I guess I just kinda miss you, just a little bit and hopefully just for now.



**Shout out 2 mah gurlz Bonnie, Belle, and Linda: *siiigghhh* maaannn this isn't funny anymore. Geeezz maaannss! Come home already! Yeeessh! LOOVEE YOUUU! :)

salamat, merci, cam on, danke, arigato, thank you

"It is sad when people you know, become people you knew...It is one of life's tragedies when you meet someone that you know is meant to be but due to unexpected circumstances and misunderstandings becomes someone you knew. Or when you can walk right past someone that at one time in your life was a big part of your life...and how you used to be able to talk to them for hours about the little nothings in life...and now you can barely look at them and they at you...and all you have left is that aching feeling in your soul..."

After reading this, I felt as if this person picked my brain and articulated how I felt in the most perfect words. It's weird! I don't even know this person! But it made me realize how universal this feeling is. It's sad, isn't it? How easily a person can walk right into your life then walk out. Before you know it, you're left to wonder, "What the heck was that all about?!"

Whenever this does happen, I have this ritual. I know, so weird haha but it helps! First, I eat a lot, go out a lot, talk - A LOT, and watch tons and tons of movies. I also read The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I don't know. That book just always reminds me that there are reasons for things. I guess that may be a lazy way of facing a sad situation; to just forget about what happened and just say, "eh, it was supposed to happen so let's just leave it." I guess you could say that. But to me, it helps. I like to think that that person came into your life to teach you something. Imagine how your life would've been if you hadn't met that person. Even if this person was someone you had known for only 5 minutes while waiting for a bus.

Last Sunday during my shift, a man came in and sat there studying for about 2 hours. He loved to talk. He talked to everyone that came in, asking them where they were from, where they were going, just anything and everything. He kind of reminded me of Mr. Bohnen. When he first came in, he asked me what my nationality was. Just from that answer he knew I had gone to St. Pat's. Sounds creepy, but he knew that 90% of Filipinos go there haha. He then started talking about religion. I could not believe how refreshing it was to me to finally talk about it. I hadn't realized how much I missed being able to talk about my faith. He talked to me about all the places he had travelled to, the languages he was learning, how he had wanted to become a priest. He talked, and talked, and talked, and I loved it. I loved how welcoming he was (I really hope this doesn't sound creepy haha) But gosh, we need more people like that. I felt as if I was talking to someone I had known my whole life. He showed me how much I love people and their stories. How just welcoming someone, learning about who they are, and what they have to say can really make a person feel good. There are so many amazing people out there with so many amazing stories.

I learned all this from a person whose name I don't know. See what I mean? Any person you meet, no matter how long the "relationship" lasted, has made an impact on who you are. I know this is true for me. So I just want to use this post to say thank you to everyone I have come to know, or have met. I credit who I am to many of you. Now I'm no longer frustrated or angry when a person walks out of my life. I know I'm a better person because of it. I am sad that that person couldn't stick around for a longer time, but I am thankful for the time they spent with me.

"choose love"

"'cause when our hearts are full we need much less."

not gonna lie

[Disclaimer: this post is very poorly written and despite all your efforts, you most likely won't understand what I am trying to say haha, but I tried really hard to make it as clear as possible.]

For the past couple of days I've been keeping busy. Working, then going out, staying up. Yenno, the works. It's been good. I love my friends, I love my job (aside from the not getting paid part! Efff, so broke!), and I love Vancouver and its current weather.

But then I start to think that I'm keeping busy just so I can avoid things. Is it avoid or forget? They're practically the same, right? Either way, I'm running away. I was never any good at running though. I remember one time in grade 5, I was super ambitious and thought that it'd be fun to join track. HA! Yeah. Boy, did I have a lot to learn! Anyways, after one particular track meet, I got this rash on my face, mostly around my eyes. It was intense, man! So that day, as my eyes were watering like heck, I declared myself allergic to running. Never again would I join track. This is why I hate running - it never goes well for me.

What was my point again? Right! I'm totally avoiding things.

But eff. Every time I man up and face things, I always screw it up all over again and I end up feeling like shit. I keep getting half of what I give. Is it because I have too much faith in people? I always believe that there's genuine good in people, in everyone. Not just people even, in situations too. I accept the bad, try to understand it, and see the good in it. I think this is why I'm way too nice. I never want to make a fuss or complain. I let things happen, I'm super patient. I let people walk all over me. I act this way because I believe that whatever bad thing is happening or being done, will stop eventually. If I just wait it out, things'll turn up. The good will come out, and my faith in people and situations will be justified. Am I setting myself up for disaster?

This is why I'm running. I'd rather get a rash than a burn. I don't know what to do. I try to handle things with understanding, patience, and good intentions. I hate it when things end bitterly or if they don't even end at all and it's just up in the air, you know? I do whatever it takes for things to work out, even though if it means forgetting myself in the process. I treat people with respect, not because I have to but because I want to. We all deserve that. Taking care of things this way has become part of who I am. It's worked well in the past, but gosh! Now it seems like it hurts less to be the ignorant person who's doing all the damage despite the people affected. Am I right?

Shit. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. This was just a vent post, one to clear my head. I just needed to be honest with myself and I have. Next: what to make of it.

ordinary can be pretty amazing

I wore shorts for the first time this year. It felt great.

Lin and I also took Roscoe for a walk around Trout Lake today. (It was such a gorgeous day, it HAD to be done.) He's such a stud muffin! No joke. It's his enormous muscles and charm. I'm so proud! He is currently knocked out on my bed, snoring, snoring, and snoring some more. He's probably dreaming of all those girl doggies he met today, hehe!

All that walking called for some good ol' Mcdo. Iced coffee and chicken nuggets? Yes, please!!! Met up with Mae there, since she's "graduated" and is now a "driver". PLEASE MAE, BE CAREFUL! Got home and watched Love, Actually. Gosh, that movie gives you an extreme case of the fuzzies! Mae left afterwards to kill herself on the road. Haha, just kidding!

Heart to heart #47298365023749283 took place. Lin, youss maah sugah hunnay baybee cakes!

I loved today. It was so lax, you know? It was one of those days, the kind that just happen and run so smoothly. Ahhhh, definitely up there with newly washed laundry fresh from the dryer and strawberries with whipped cream :) Why is this post so pointless?? Sorry! I guess I just needed to document a simple day like today. Because (as Kamila's coworker so wisely pointed out) I know I'll look back on today and feel nostalgic.

if love had a face

The International Arrivals gate at YVR is now my new favourite place. Not only could you feel the love, you could see it. It was as if I was watching the beginning of Love, Actually. Ahhh! I can't even describe the feeling I felt there today! All I know is that I'm all warm and fuzzy and would love to go there again :)

exactly like old times

Another Rainy Day - Corinne Bailey Rae


"Why am I so shy around you? Why am I so shy?
Why do I take care to astound you?
Why do I even try?"

itchy, itchy, itchy!!!

I am itching to get out of this place. I mean, I love Vancouver (hate Richmond). But I just need to see the world. I want to pack my bags and take a plane to New York and end up in New Zealand. I want to find a quaint coffee shop in old Paris. I want to ride a donkey through the steep stairways of Santorini. I want to eat Spam in Hawaii. I want to ride one of those huugee boat thingys down an alley of Vienna while a fat guy with a funny mustache plays the accordion. I want - no, I NEED to see what's out there.

I've always wanted to travel, but this time I'm crawling in my skin. I think it's because all the previous times I've thought about travelling, it's just been an idea. Something nice to think about. But now I feel it can actually happen if I really wanted it to. And I REALLY want it to happen. I mean hey, I am my own master, right?

I've been coming up with a lot of crazy ideas, huh? Uh oh..what if I'm bipolar?! Naaahhh. I think it's just 'cuase it's 10:22 pm on a "summer"night and I'm ready for bed....and have been since 9:00 pm. SHOOT. what the eff! Anyone up for late night bubbletea?



Side note: I love newly washed sheets that are fresh from the dryer. Ahhhh :)

double dog dare me (is that how it goes?)

World Spins Madly On (Live) - The Weepies

I need something.

I don't know what I need, but I know that whatever it is, it's something for me. I feel like I've been watching on the sidelines for as long as I can remember. I've been watching people live their lives, growing and discovering as they go along. But I feel stuck. I feel like I'm Lauren Conrad and that everyone else is Whitney (place her last name here). The whole world is moving and I'm standing still. I want to have fun. Be bold. Experiment. Discover. Just let loose, yenno? (But not Girls-Gone-Wild loose hahah)

But eff, I'm such a wuss! I hate trying new things. I like to stick with what I know. This is why I don't like trying new food.

This time is going to be different though. I need to get over those right prefrontal cortex signals (hehe go psych!). I need to start doing things for myself.

So I've decided to make my first step ballet. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Crazy, right? Well guess what, I don't care. I've cared for too long. I can't even believe I'm blogging about ballet haha! I've kept it a secret for so long; this desire to dance. It's out now, and I'm glad that it is :) hehe I sound silly, huh? Silly's good.

Here's to letting loose.

b - side

If I were to have an alter ego, I'd be a super rad, super stellar, bad ass chick. No joke! I wish I was that girl who could pull off a tattoo sleeve, dark wavy hair, cool shades, and bright red lipstick. I'd ride a bike (motorcyle bike, not a bike bike haha) and would work at a mellow record store like Neptoon. Piercings? Chhyeaaahh (hehe, Kamila!) My name: Sloan (I wouldn't have a last name...or a known last name...because I would be as cool as Madonna and people would just be like, "Yeah, that's Sloan.") Also, if we each had our own theme/entrance songs, Sloan's would be this:

Black Tongue - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Gives you shivers doesn't it?! Haha!

But I'm stuck with this chubby cheeked, short Asian with a high voice and nervous giggle persona. Totally opposite end of the cool scale.

Oh well. I kinda like it.

multum in parvo

The sound of a lawn mower on a sunny morning/late night talks with your girls/walking barefoot back home from a waterfight/pizza pops/roscoe's butt dance/rays of sunshine coming through the windows/a phone call/ice cream/days in bed with popcorn and movies/days for me/days for my friends/bubble tea/late night snack runs/speed dial/my banig/family bingo nights/lying with roscoe in the sun/watching the planes land/stars/music/yogurt/old and new pictures/unlimited texting/the sun on your back/flossing/the view from my window/the caf/a giggle/the visit to a friend's house after things end/the five people you meet in heaven/heart to hearts over food, under blankets, or in the car/warm showers on cold days/dancing in the washroom/quiet sundays/inboxes/visits at waves/walking across the jetty/naps/impulse room rearranging with friends/vinyls/palancas/sound of the rain on my window/a light snowfall/hot chocolate with marshmallows and whipped cream/talks with kuya/blueberries/the little things.

another rainy day

There are times when I think about radio broadcasting as opposed to nursing. I always go back and forth between the two; listing their pros and cons and such. Radio broadcasting might win one day then nursing the next - I haven't kept score though haha

But I do notice it's the rainy days or nights alone in my car when radio wins. I guess it's 'cause it's the time I actually listen to the music I'm playing. I listen to the lyrics, the melodies, little pauses, climaxes, the undertones, and the flood of synchronicity in the song as a whole. It's amazing isn't it? The way music can just make you feel. It can make the worst and ugliest feelings sound so beautiful...but still heartbreaking. Or it can heighten the good mood you're in, and you blast it as loud as you can just so you can block out the sound of the real world. I mean, if you're feeling good it might as well last about 3 minutes and 14 seconds, right? It's like that counselor that knows exactly how you're feeling and all you're saying is, "YEAHH!! THAT'S IT!" (hahah peer counseling reference). I think it's pretty amazing how a single song can trigger a memory of a person, place, time, anything really. We've all experienced that super nostalgic feeling when listening to a 90's song (I suggest Simple Plan, Usher [Confessions is the only way to go], Spice Girls, etc.). Feels so good doesn't it? Especially with a car full of friends, sun beaming, and voices yelling out of tune along with the song. I love it!

These feelings are what make me think about going into radio (directing, mostly); the fact that I could share the music that means so much to me over airwaves - a piece of myself out in the big world..or city haha.

I remember the first time I heard the music I love play on BCIT's broadcast equipment. It sounds super duper corny, but it was like experiencing the song for the very first time. It was the long exhale I needed, you know? The one that calms your nerves and just settles everything down.

...and then I think about nursing.

ugh. I blame it on being a gemini. seriously.


for now, just listen to this.

Hysteric - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

nice girls finish second?

According to my Psych 1102 textbook, silver medalists are way more unhappy with their achievements than bronze medalists. I never thought about it, but yeah, it does make a lot of sense. You were that little inch, little point, little step, or little push away from the gold medal. You were so close to being the best, but now you're just second best.

What do you do then?

I guess you could accept it for what it's worth. You could always say that it wasn't your time. Take your weaknesses and make them stronger, right? Move on to the next race. And hopefully, people will eventually see you for what you're worth.

But how do you stop thinking of the one you wanted so badly; the one that got away?

noob to the max

You know that feeling before you write an essay for an exam that you haven't prepared for because you were busy staring at the wall the night before? It's that anxious feeling with a mix of frustration and laziness. That's how I feel right now. I have no idea how I'm going to start this blog, but I know that I have to. There are so many things floating around in my head, I just need to somehow, get them out. And I need to start writing more often. A couple of weeks ago, I wrote "This are so fun" on a friend's facebook note. Yeaah.

I'm secretly hoping no one finds this blog. Mostly because the stuff I will write won't be philosophical or life changing, entertaining or well written. It'll just be tiny brain farts that need to be aired out haha! TMI? psshhh whatevs, man.

Oh and! I'm sorry for the ugly layout. I really need to polish up on my Apt 107 html skillzzz. (I just remembered my account name: lil_mystical. HAHA it was fun being gangster for a while hehe)

*Edit: I suck at keeping secrets. This blog just came out of the closet!