just ain't gonna work out

There's nothing there.

There's nothing there.

There's. Nothing. There.

Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Zero.

...This is what I've been telling myself for years. I don't want it to be true, but it's proven itself twice before. Each time hurting more than the last.

There will be no third time...because there is nothing there.

There is nothing there. There is nothing there. There is nothing there.

I figure if I say it over and over again, maybe I'll stop picking up on the little things that you say that make me remember before, or stop missing how it used to be, or act differently when you're around.

I need to stop.

...because I want to be in a better place than I am now. I want to talk to you. I miss talking to you. I wish we could be friends.

But we can't until I stop wanting something to be there.

So how am I going to do that? I've only thought of one way - to not be there. I don't know if that makes sense or not.

I think I just don't want to deal with the fact that I was just another one on the list, you know? 'Cause I'm all too familiar with being just another one on the list. And every time I see you that's what I remember and that's how I feel about myself. It's not good for me.

One more thing. I only ask that you please act normal around me. I'm still the same person, even though at times I hide from you...I guess I'm just waiting for you to send that signal telling me, "It's okay. We can be friends again."